W.C. Fields quotes

Wit and wisdom from the master of funny behind The Bank Dick and Never Give a Sucker an Even Break.


Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941)

Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941)

Hard-drinking comedian, actor and juggler W.C. Fields was one of the great comic stars in Hollywood in the 1930s and 1940s, appearing as leading man in a string of classic comedies including It’s a Gift (1934), The Bank Dick (1940) and Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941).

On success

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”

On budgeting

“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The other half I wasted.”

On drinking

“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”

“I never drank anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”

“Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.”

On Philadelphia

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia. I think it was on a Sunday.”

On juries

“It is impossible to find 12 fair men in all the world.”

On manners

“I may be a liar, but at least I’m a gentleman.”

On sex

“There may be some things better than sex, and some things may be worse. But there is nothing exactly like it.”

On life

“Most people have a feeling they are coming back to this life some way, somehow. But me – I know I’m going through only once.”

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